Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
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