i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
