Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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