I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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