oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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