hotel room ftw
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
