Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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