Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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