I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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