she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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