My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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