She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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