worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
