My cat gives me a boner
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
