i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
