hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
tell me about the fingering
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