We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
