I like to think it a success when the cops are called
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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