i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
