your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
