I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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