"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
