i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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