isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
