Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
