Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
