Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
