She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
