Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
