if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
