I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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