Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
