This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
