I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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