ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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