Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
