I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
