My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
where are my eyebrows?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
