Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
