when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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