you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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