Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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