There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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