First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
