If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
