i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
