I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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