I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
