Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
