We named our party play list daddy issues
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
