how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize