i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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