you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
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You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
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You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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