She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
