I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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