he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
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