For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I understand Curling. That high.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
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