Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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