i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
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He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
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Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way