So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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