On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I want to fling myself into the sun