I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
