no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I want to have your abortion
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
