Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
