I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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