Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
