Who wears a wallet chain?!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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