I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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